Monday, November 28, 2005

Thanksgiving, and toes, and pre-teeth... oh my!

Welcome to Lifestyles of the growing and restless, I'm your host Robin Leech (yes, I know it's supposed to be spelled "Leach", but I'm a washed up has-been and I need to tag along to anyone that has more fan appeal than I do) and I'm here to dazzle you with stories of the uber cute and phenomenoly handsome. The last time we caught up with our first star, he was 4 months old and enjoying Halloween.

What's happened to him since?


No, he's not tooling around on his outrageously expensive yacht with fabulously wonderful people who all drink copious amounts of fine champagne,

mainly because he's not old enough to drink champagne, and he also doesn't own a yacht.

And he also hasn't been living in the private luxury of his hidden villa estate surrounding his own island, where he could escape for weeks on end, waited on by a staff of over 50 personal servants,

This, of course, is because he doesn't actually own this island, just this picture. But what a fantastic story it would make if he did, and our ratings would go up as well. Since he's only 5 months and doesn't own anything aside from bips and spare pants, there's not much glamour and glitz to talk about... so getting right to the heart of this story, let's go to Tobias:




When we last saw him, he was dressed in outrageous orange festively suited for his Halloween party, we now find him beyond that simpler time and focused on the things to come:
He's definitely looking ahead towards all the great things to come. In a pose that he likens to the great Rodin sculpture "The Thinker" this is his "power position" where all of his big ideas come from.

He's been known to resolve million dollar contract disputes with 5 minutes in this elusive pose. He's also been known to burp incredibly loud and spit up all over the blanket he's laying on, but on to nicer things...

Most successful people have a 5 and 10 year "forward looking vision" or a plan of where they'd like to be. Through the wonders of age progression and trick photography, we were able to capture Tobias as he was contemplating his 70 year plan, what a model to all of us, if only we could all think that far into the future.
As you can see, the youthfulness of the present gives way to maturing contemplation, and plaid.

(Author's note: No great-grandfathers were harmed in the creating of this blog post. First meeting between the Quad-generians went fabulously well, and Great-Grandpa "Red" was very pleased to spend some post-Thanksgiving time with his new great-grandson)


Speaking of festive parties, Tobias has been jetsetting around taking part in several soirees, attended by the "A" list of local celebrities. We managed to catch up with him on the, ahem, "arms" of two lovely ladies who wished to remain anonymous:

As you can tell, he's been caught a little underprepared for the onslaught of the papparazzi.

The first picture captures him after a large meal, sitting on the lap of one of the ladies, and in the other, he's obviously caught off guard as this unnamed woman appears alongside him in this photo, apparently quite tickled to have managed to snap a picture with our leading man.

When you've lived as a bachelor for as long as Tobias has, your reputation must be carefully maintained. Any stray picture could end up in some unmercilous tabloid spouting all sorts of garbage that isn't true (A type of exploitative journalism that we refuse to publish here at RobinLeech Enterprises).

With that stated, the rumours about a lawsuit pending because of incorrect captions attached to our photo's is completele nonsense. Obviously, the next image needs no explanation... but in case you were looking for one: This is clearly not Tobias caught after pounding an entire bottle of wine on his own.

(Editor's note: the bottle is actually sparkling cran-raspberry juice, of which Tobias had none. He was the designated-drooler that night, so he only had breastmilk)








Attempts to reach Tobias to ask him about his "drinking and drooling" problem went unanswered. It appears as though Tobias is pleading the 5th and using anything to act as a gag so as not to incriminate himself.







He's even been spotted donning unsuccessful disguises, this shameless charade won't fool us, it's quite obvious that our charlatan is none other than Tobias Alexander:
And guess who we've spotted once again accompanying him. By the next broadcast, we'll have a name to go with this unknown woman.






But until then, I'm Robin Leech, and I bid you farewell with Champange wishes and Caviar dreams.


Tobias sent us this shot to be added in for his fans. Yes, he's anotomically correct.

No comments: